December The 62nd
So before you read any further, firstly let me apologise for the inconsistent blogging, I’m sorry. I’m (a bumass) holding my hands up and pleading guilty to first degree procrastination. The good news is that I’ve made a promise to myself to write at least one blog a month so I’m counting on you (yes you!) to hold me accountable or just bombard me with threatening messages – whichever you believe will motivate the appropriate behavior.
““Time is relative; its only worth depends upon what we do as it is passing.””
How’s your relationship with Time going? Still romantic? Madly chaotic? Does Time still get you? Do you still appreciate Time or do you find yourself running away from her? It’s been a wild 12 months, so I won’t spend this blog rehashing of what’s happened, but I did want to write about one thing and that was how I noticed the strain in my relationship with Time.
I used to get on so well with Time, always looking forward to the next step in life, growing older, wiser, better but that was all when the world was different. Back when Time used to spoil me with new experiences, new friends and the (really) generous increases in income but recently there’s been a change in Time and I’s dynamic, for a while it felt a bit ‘all take, no give’, let me explain.
See 12 months ago, Time and I had the end to my 20s all mapped out. I was going to travel to Japan, She was going to help me work abroad again and then we was going to pick a continent to call home. Welp, the universe had other plans. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not bitter, I’m grateful. Grateful that my family and friends have all made it through the last 12 months in good health. The thing is, the dynamic between Time and I had changed. Certain things that I used to look to her for, whether it was the new experiences, getting wiser, broadening my horizons – all those attributes that used to make me run towards her at full speed were suddenly not there anymore. Everything I had admired about Time and all the things she allowed me to do were no longer available and I’ve got to admit, as a result I no longer wanted to acknowledge Time, I wanted to avoid her. As the cool kids would say - I got the ‘ick’ (did I use that correctly?).
“So all it took was a rocky 12 months and all of a sudden I was avoiding Time?” In short, pretty much. Now hear me out, I had such a strong vision in my mind of what Time would allow the end of my 20s to look like that when the universe told us all to take a seat whilst the world dealt with Covid – rather than get closer to Time, I chose to push her away. Man I was pissed! I felt as though she hadn’t held up her end of the bargain. All I had to do was stay alive and she was supposed to bring all the things we agreed on but with a whole summer spent indoors, house renovations and endless virtual calls involving but not limited to:
“Can you see my screen?”
“Sorry I was on mute”
“Hey, you’re still on mute”
and my favourite,
“So… when do you think lockdown will end?”
It took a while for me to see that it wasn’t Time that had not held up her side of our relationship but that I had completely let go of it. Faced with the prospect of a change in my life plans, rather than look Time in her eyes and tell her “we got this”, I dug my heels in and refused to accept what was, rather than what could be. That it was me that needed to step up and hold up my end of the bargain, which was never to just stay alive. It was putting my mind and energy into things that put me in a position for Time to spoil me with new experiences, new friends and the (really) generous increases in income. I had been so used to taking all the gifts that Time had given me that the notion of adapting my life goals because of world altering events had me feeling that Time had let me down when all along it was me that had let down the both of us.
So I ask you again, How’s your relationship with Time going? I’m happy to say currently we’re in a much better place. As cliché as it sounds, I finally started looked inwards on what we will have rather than what we had lost and she reaffirmed what I always knew, that whatever happens between now and forever she will always be there, waiting to spoil me with new experiences, new friends and (really really) generous increases in income. So whether you’re feeling apprehensive about approaching that dirty thirty (or filthy forty) or perhaps approaching a quarter life crisis (twenty five), just know that regardless of what the universe has in store thart “Time is relative; its only worth depends upon what we do as it is passing.”.
Thanks for reading and see you all here next month for the next blog. Maybe? I’ll try! Argh, am I really going to do this every month?!
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Love,
Melly
